The Transformational Power Of Integrity

How living authentically will change your life

14/10/2020

“No man is free who is not master of himself” — Epictetus

Recently I was asked to contribute to an article on integrity, how it affects our sense of self worth and benefits us and those around us. Living with integrity connects us to our values, our sense of meaning and is the pathway to an authentic life.

But what does it actually mean and how do we recognise it?

If you google integrity it is defined as 1. the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; 2. the state of being whole. Wholeness indicates a congruence between what we think and feel, the choices we make and how we behave. Our inner landscape reflected in our outer landscape.

I learnt about integrity from my parents, especially my father who was a leader in the construction industry in 1970’s Australia when the unions were incredibly powerful. I grew up watching him strive for excellence, find a way to have difficult conversations so he could see things from the perspective of others while being clear and honest about his own motivations. Mostly, it was how he managed, even in difficult circumstances, to remain true to his beliefs.

If integrity is about wholeness and honesty, then it requires we remain steadfast, keeping the intention to live according to our values. That’s not always easy and can sometimes feel quite daunting. As well as the things that feel good, facing up to our mistakes, apologising when we are in the wrong and taking responsibility for our actions are all part of the deal. Paradoxically, when we face up to the tough stuff, it’s usually a huge relief.

How Integrity Benefits You

Strengthening Self Worth

Integrity feeds our self worth by helping us be clear about and staying true to what’s deeply important. The non-negotiables. Our top values give us a sense of what sustains and steadies us and provide a compass by which to steer our course. It helps us listen intently to our own guiding wisdom and drop below the ego driven demands of superficial wants.

In an era of mass bombardment through social media, 24 hour news and constant advertising, living with integrity allows us to sift out what is real and what matters most, from all the distractions. It gives us the stability to be the best version of ourselves and the flexibility to respond to what resonates so there is less buffeting by too many opinions and a plethora of choice.

Building Trust

Integrity builds a foundation of trust. We can trust ourselves because we know that we are making choices aligned with our highest values. Others trust us because we say what we mean and follow through with commitments we’ve made. If someone confides in us, they know we will hold that confidence.

When we get triggered it is often because one of our values is being compromised. Recognising this brings understanding to our reactions and we are more able to trust ourselves to respond in a way that is more helpful to ourselves and others.

Getting to the Crux of What’s Important

Integrity invites us to neither upsell nor downplay our worth but to acknowledge what is real. It helps us to be more honest in our assessments of others and we can bring that intention to how we treat and what we expect of ourselves. Becoming clear about our self talk — the inner dialogue, the old unhelpful stories we’ve strengthened in the telling, the language we use to speak about ourselves to others — can liberate a whole new vocabulary around what’s actually true. Making some space so that we can see what’s beneath all the clutter can help us identify what’s most important and to connect with companions along the way who support our intentions.

Helping you Grow

When we choose to live in a truly honest and authentic way, guided by that strong moral compass, growth, achievement and self-esteem have a place to prosper. Whenever there’s growth and something achieved, there’s a strengthening of that sense of self worth. Growth happens when we are prepared to step out of our comfort zone, even a little, to learn/do something new, have different conversations that develop understanding and to challenge stories that may be keeping us stuck. It shows us we are capable of more than we thought and that in turn, builds confidence to take on other challenges.

How can you develop greater integrity?

Sometimes it’s hard to do the right thing or stand up for what you believe in the face of peer pressure or louder opinions. It takes confidence and trust in yourself to adhere to what’s most important to you. In turn, honouring what’s integral to who you are, further strengthens confidence. Here are some ways to build from where you now :

• Define your values to help you get clear about the most important ones and distill what they mean to you. I have a values exercise you can use here.

• Once you’ve defined your top values, flesh them out so you understand how they are important to you. For example, my top value is connection. Connection to those I care about and love, connection to my work, myself and my environment. Disconnection leaves me fragmented. Staying connected keeps me grounded and on course.

• Think about times when you’ve lived according to those values and reflect on how that shaped outcomes or your direction.

• Moving forward, take time to make choices and decisions in line with those values.

• When you say you’ll do something, be sure you can commit to it, and then do it.

• When someone shares a confidence, keep it.

• Be honest about what’s your stuff and own it. If you’re having a conversation about what’s important to you, use ‘I’ language, for example, ‘I feel…’, ‘I need…’ ‘this is important to me…’.

• Be brave and acknowledge when you are in the wrong or have made a mistake.

And so…..

….. living from a place of integrity springs from a deep sense of truth. Knowing when something is right or wrong. Being clear about our values means we have a checklist to hold against our choices, decisions, behaviours and speech and ensure they are aligned. It provides confidence that those decisions and choices will be good ones, ones we can live with. It also helps us sit with greater patience with periods of not knowing, in that uncomfortable place of uncertainty, because we recognise that one day the fog will lift and the way forward will become clear. And if we know we are capable of making good decisions (a skill that can be learnt), that builds resilience for challenging times and hope going forward.